Thy Will Be Done.

Sometimes the load is heavy, and sometimes the road is long. And sometimes, Lord, this heart of mine is not so strong. But thy will be done, Lord, thy will be done. Father, I do not ask you to take this cup from me. I only ask your guidance over paths I cannot see. And thy will be done, Lord, thy will be done.

Being an SM is hard.

I don't know how to explain that statement.

Sometimes I end the day feeling defeated, feeling unqualified and a little bruised, inside and out.

I struggle to keep the children listening, and productive. Often if feels like the only person learning, is me.

The mission is filled with wonderful people who offer nothing but support and love. I have found happiness, but I often find myself longing for something, more.

The relationships that mean the most to me are long distance.

Large spans of water separate us. And sometimes I wonder if I am just imaging something magical that doesn't exist.

I am connected through facebook, skype, e-mails. But sitting down to a conversation is hard when a million things are running through my head and stealing my heart.

Life is hard to explain, and I sometimes don't have the energy to try.

It's hard to be so far away.

I know I have chosen this life for myself, and even on days that are hard, I know I am blessed.

I read somewhere that maybe happiness is not found in the absence of problems but in the ability to deal with them.

My life is completely different than anything I have ever known.

Spending time in a country with such a great amount of hurt and need is teaching me what real struggle is.

I find myself needing more by myself time than I ever have. Time to think, write, and be still.

And I am beyond blessed by the friends at home who have read my e-mails, listened to my thoughts and feelings as I trudge through them. Spending time on the other side of the world very much shows who finds you important enough to try.

Being an SM is not always extraordinary. Sometimes the extraordinary comes through finding Jesus by your side every step of the way.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see.

Hebrews 11:1

I'm working on faith. I'm working on letting the brokenness, the struggle be what it is.

I'm waiting for the light, because the sun will rise. It always does.

Now, Lord, I feel you near me, I feel your guiding power. And know you're standing by me through every passing hour. And thy will be done, Lord, thy will be done.